I realize it has been a while since I updated — April, actually. Life kind of gets in the way, and I, of course had the best intentions for posting regularly but actually being in my life rather than writing about it made a lot more sense in the last 6 months.
That said, so much has happened. Life has happened. Decisions have happened. Kids have grown. B turned one! I am nearing my final semester of school, and taking on a lot more schedule-wise than I initially expected. While this new chapter of my life post-grad is full of amazing things, it will be lacking in something I hold so close — my time with M, G and B.
Unfortunately, I had to give notice at my job back in October. My last day is quickly sneaking up on me in just a few weeks and I do my best to not even think about it until I absolutely have to. People keep asking me if it is normal for me to be this sad, after all it’s “just a job” right? Wrong. For so many reasons, it isn’t just a job.
When a family welcomes you into their lives, and their homes — and parents hand their children over to you — it can’t just be a job. The trust that must exist already makes it more than that — it becomes a partnership. It becomes my sole responsibility to protect, and love and teach. Between 7 and 6, I am responsible for these three sweet little lives. I feed them, and drive them to school, and cuddle them to sleep — but the real responsibility lies in nurturing their spirits. Seeing them, where they are, and helping them grow. I am devastated that I won’t be able to spend everyday watching them grow anymore.
There are amazing things that come with being a nanny — so many, I couldn’t possibly list them all. But let me tell you, the leaving is the hardest part.
Earlier tonight I noticed my current employer left a care.com review for me. I am not all too familiar with these, but the notification popped up in my email. I made the unfortunate mistake of reading it in class, and ended up with eyes full of tears and instant feelings of sadness. It is becoming all to real to me that I am leaving a life, not a job. I am giving up mornings where I literally can’t wait to go to work (we all know how rare this is). I am giving up on the cuddles, and hugs, and princess parties. I know that every part of our lives has a season — right? Isn’t that what they say? So seasons must come to an end, but it doesn’t make it easy. Change is hard, and change is sad. I know whomever comes after me will be the luckiest girl in the world — and while I will be forever jealous that she is swooping in on my cuddles and hugs I also know that the next nanny will get to share in the privilege of loving and knowing these incredible kids.
With that said, I will enjoy my last few weeks. M and I have already decided on a system for keeping in touch, and I am hopeful I’ll be able to babysit and see them here and there before I actually leave next year.
I’ve known it for a while, but tonight I realized that this is the last nanny job I will ever really have. I am so lucky and blessed and grateful that I spent my last few years, doing what I love, with kids I just can’t get enough of. ❤